


the stars and their lights

by letfelicitysoar



Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M, hyuken, jaehyuk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 17:41:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3076604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letfelicitysoar/pseuds/letfelicitysoar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaehwan will never get use to the way his face looks after layers and layers of makeup are applied to it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the stars and their lights

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes im always like wow, idols look so different after their debut transformation, but then i stop to think about how the people themselves feel when they look in that mirror for the first time and think "i can look like this?"

The first time Jaehwan had his hair cut and dyed, the first time he had pounds of makeup caked onto his face, and the first time he wore clothes much more expensive than anything he's ever made in his entire life is the first time Jaehwan stops and looks in the mirror and he can't believe that that's actually him.

Jaehwan will never get use to the way his face looks after layers and layers of makeup are applied to it. He'll never be comfortable with the smell of hairspray or how thick and heavy everything feels after being styled and cut. He'll never fully be able to like the expensive and dazzling outfits he has to wear for every shoot, public appearance,  or recording. Jaehwan feels small sometimes underneath the different fabrications he's had to wear, underneath the ones he will have to wear. Sometimes it makes him feel large too, like he's on top of the world and that past misfortunes can be easily erased with a brush and some hair gel.

But that isn't often, most times he just feels it all weigh him down.

Jaehwan doesn't have a forever growing style like Wonsik, an eternally handsome face like Hongbin who can pull off anything. He isn't chic and mysterious like Taekwoon either and he most definitely does not have the charismatic charm of Hakyeon. And he isn't young like Sanghyuk, who has time and time to grow, who is always growing in Jaehwan's eyes.

"Hyung, can you help me with my vocals?" He remembers the younger boy asking, back when VIXX wasn't a definite six member group with only five of the original line up of trainees still around.

And that had been what started it really, Sanghyuk's ambition, his potential,  and his eyes.  It was that look in his eyes which made Jaehwan realize that Sanghyuk belonged, that Sanghyuk would push through no matter what and which made Jaehwan decide that he could get use to all of this with Sanghyuk around.

When he looks in the mirror though, hair wet and frizzing up, clothes old and worn from years and years of washes, he suddenly wonders where the line between Jaehwan and Ken are drawn. He wishes the CEO hadn't given him that stage name, he likes it of course, it's simple and easy to remember, but... It causes a rift in him, it makes him uneasy whenever he looks in the mirror and sees someone else looking back at him.

"They're both you," Sanghyuk says, his own face bare and he's also dressed in a ratty t-shirt with sweats. "You're you no matter what."

"But how can you tell? How do you know it's not all just a front when a camera's on me or when we're like this right now?"

Sanghyuk snorts. "What, you think you're some sort of master of disguise? You're simple, hyung. You're always the same person to me, sometimes you need to act mature for your job, other times you need to relax and wind down. Most times though, you're just an idiot with a really great voice."

"You really think I have a great voice?" Jaehwan asks in this tiny voice which he hadn't meant to use. He was just unprepared for Sanghyuk's wisdom.

Of course, Sanghyuk snorts again, his arm snaking around Jaehwan's waist and his nose nuzzling into his chest. "I've told you multiple times, yes."

"So... You think I'm the same person no matter what?"

"That's what I said. You're my hyung when you aren't dressed as an idol and you're still my hyung when you are."

Jaehwan finds his own arms coming to wrap around Sanghyuk's body and his heart beats a little faster at the contact. It's warm like this and the weariness bleeds out of him, slowly but surely. He thinks about the members, he thinks about how they always remain the same to him too. Wonsik with his kindness to help others, idol or not. Hongbin with his laugh and awkward tendencies, Taekwoon with his shyness and discomfort, even Hakyeon with his need to be everyone's mom.

But mostly he thinks about Sanghyuk.

The words never form for him to say it but it's too late when he finds the younger asleep in arms, they'll have to wake in five hours for a jam packed day of schedules. It comforts him to know that to Sanghyuk there is no difference between Jaehwan and Ken, but it worries him because yes, Sanghyuk is Sanghyuk no matter what, but since day one, since the day Jaehwan saw the sparkly eyed boy asking him for help with his vocals, Sanghyuk has always been in a league of his own.

He's Sanghyuk today, right now in Jaehwan's arms, asleep and young, but one day he won't be anymore.

And Jaehwan thinks that's worse than looking in the mirror.


End file.
